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The Psychology of a Backstabber

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  Backstabbing is a behavior many people encounter, whether it’s from a friend, colleague, family member, or acquaintance. Someone who you have known to seem friendly may unexpectedly undermine you, leaving one confused, upset, and not knowing which direction to go as far as maintaining the relationship. Gaining insight into the reasons behind such actions can empower us to protect ourselves and navigate relationships with greater wisdom. 1. Insecurity Masks Itself as Power At the root of many backstabbers’ actions lies deep-seated insecurity. They often feel threatened by another person’s achievements, confidence, or happiness. In an attempt to compensate for these feelings, they undermine others, which gives them a fleeting sense of self-worth and power. 2. Need for Control and Dominance Manipulating social dynamics is another motivation for backstabbers. By betraying trust, they gain a sense of control and are able to influence how others perceive someone. This manipulation is o...
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Triangulating Narcissists - How a Third Person Gets Pulled into Relationship Drama

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Triangulation is a manipulation pattern where someone pulls a third person into a relationship dynamic. It’s often done to create jealousy, competition, insecurity, or confusion. Instead of addressing problems directly, the triangulating person uses comparison and implication to boost their ego, stay in control, and keep others emotionally reactive. This scenario might look like the following: Imagine a quiet neighborhood where two homes face each other. In one house lives Mark, married with a family, working from home as a supervisor. Across the street lives an attractive single woman who owns a business and also works from home. Mark notices her and watches her whenever she’s outside, and seems to enjoy being seen noticing her especially when his wife Sheila is around. Over time, Sheila starts feeling uneasy. Then a strange routine begins whenever Sheila is home, Mark repeatedly parks his car at the very end of the driveway, positioning the cars and sightlines so that Sheila can se...
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Self-Worth Is Your Relationship Standard (Not Your Partner’s Potential)

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  One common trap in dating and relationships is getting attached to someone’s potential instead of staying rooted in what’s happening right now. You catch glimpses of who someone could  be, and it’s easy to start investing in that future version, especially when you care deeply. Relationships don’t grow from hope alone. They grow from what’s being shown and repaired, consistently, over time. Where This Comes From Often, this pattern comes from a belief (usually learned early) that love has to be earned through effort, patience, or over-giving. If I’m patient enough If I’m understanding enough If I give enough It can feel vulnerable to let love be simple. But you don’t have to prove you’re worthy of care. Healthy love meets you with steadiness and respect right where you are. Signs You’re Choosing Potential Over Reality ·         You find yourself explaining away inconsistency because you want to see the ...
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